Today seems designed to make me feel old. I got out of bed and my knee immediately protested the very idea of making it support any damn thing, thank you very much. It’s the first of the month so the mortgage payment is due. I called and made an appointment to have the air ducts cleaned, and was glad I did so. In the shower, shedding as you do, I noticed that one of my hairs was its normal colour up top, but the final inch or so was pure white.
This last one hit me particularly hard. I’ve (unfortunately) already been through the trauma of finding a grey hair, but this was the first that I’d actually seen in the process of oldening. You start at one end and it’s vibrant and full of colour, and as your eyes trace its length you’re watching it die. It holds onto its vitality desperately but futilely, and it eventually gives up and fades away into nothing.
The Moirae have handed me my very own life’s thread. I feel old. I feel ancient.
My age is something I’ve never quite come to terms with. I felt old moving from seventeen to eighteen, from nineteen to twenty, from twenty-four to twenty-five. Every year I’m certain in my oldness. Confident even. Just as I was the year before. Life is over. I’m done. Logan’s Run me now.
Then I got out of the shower, ate a cookie and played a video game.
I look around me, at my game systems and my comic books and my music and my computers and my toys and my thoughts and I dunno. Could it be that I’m unduly harsh? Am I that altered? I think sixteen-year old me would look and would recognize herself.
She’d probably be horrified at the relative lack of denim in our wardrobe, but she’d recognize.
Today brought to you by: U2, The Dandy Warhols, Tori Amos, Slayer, Muse, Joy Division, Queen, Annie Lennox
This is a new daily-or-bit-less thing I shall be doing. This will be where I write about something that I heard or saw or thought or quite possibly none of those things. I will typically use it as a morning writing exercise, the mental equivalent of touching your toes or jumping jacks upon waking. It should be noted I do neither of those things. I also wrote this after today’s writing was complete. All of this is fitting.